Sandpaper

I sometimes think of my self as sand paper, A smart-ass, tough-talking, gin sucking SOB. A rough cold calculating bitch who some how smooths the edges of the life's of people around me. Like i said sandpaper a scratchy, persistent, wrong-way-rub that leaves every thing more even.
I waz born going against the grain even from birth, after the DR's put my ma in to a drug educed labor i still took my sweet ass time, 24 hrs to be exact to get my red, goo covered, ass out into this wonderfull wourld.
My ma is very Catholic so i am pagan, the world says a tated up freak like me should com from white trash well, both my parents are extremely educated. I was a junkie who waz supposed to die of an OD never mind make nething of herself and now i work on Main n Hastings as a front line addictions support worker while studying to get my RN. I was suposed to be straight get married n have grand-baby's for my ma to croon over, instead I'm more than likely to settle down with a woman and adopt.
Like i said sand paper always going against the grain, but in doing so i think iv showen others that they can change as well, what i mean is i was a junkie who was addicted to crystal a substance on 3%of ppl can kick, iv been clean for 8 yrs and have an post secondary education. I was suposed to be straight but am out n proud hopefully giving queer kids out their strength to be who they really are,,, ect
Its not easy but its who i am.
lol. A smart-ass, tough-talking, gin sucking SOB.

those who strive for mediocrity

Men especial use terms like " what I'm a guy", implying they have no choice but to be like every other guy out their,those who strive for mediocrity reeeaaalllyyyyy piss me off.
In today's society we have unsaid general "sayings" such a s
"its ok to have your own opinion as long as its the same as mine", we no longer nourish the creative the different, the original.
Were so afraid to be on our own, alone, the minority that we shun what we don't agree with or understand, hoping to blend in and become one with the masses, to use mediocrity as a security blanket. Shelter form the proverbial storm so to speak.
saying such as "common sense" and "original thought" are becoming oxymoron's, out dated and looked upon as a relic from a time past, like home cooked meals and black and white T.V.
mediocrity is a double-side switch blade, fast and with a point as sharp as  scream, slicing through or populaces, encouraging pure-pressure by cutting up ones desire to be different and on the back swing severing our ties to new ideas and driving home its point in to our ability to grow by thinking out side of the box as a hole; society wise and in ones self.
But hey thats just MY opinion, and the fact the the bf who i was raving about earlier turned out to be well... lets just say my original hypothesis that the sexes don't mix with each other i now fully believe is accurate, has nothing to do with shit......

demons of a lost love

she gouges her flesh leaving blood filled trenches behind as she admits a noise that tears from her through with the force of a fog horn and the pitch of a thousand soul's screaming as they burn in a pit of fire.
such was her pain.
surrounding her, her deamons quenched their thirst on the pools of her blood and satisfied their hunger by devouring her screams.

as time went on she learned the iron control of quieting her screams, stopping her tears.
she learned to put on the smile of some one who is void of feeling, warmth, and sincerity.
she hid behind her pleasant mask was all she had left for she was dead inside.

The demons had swallowed, devoured and excreted everything she was or would ever be

so now a smiling shell she walks through life cold empty indifferent and alone.

Doomed to walk on with nothing but the sweet memories of her love lost and gone for ever out of her straining grasp,

to torment her.